10. Settled In

24 May


Xander:  You won the lottery, why didn’t you buy a mansion?

Constance:  Just because a person has a lot of money doesn’t mean that they should spend it all. Besides it’s just the two of us, this is all we need.

Xander:  You would probably have to buy like…8 mansions to spend all your money anyway. Can you buy 8 mansions and have them all be connected to make a super mansion? That’s how you should have spent your money.

Constance:  I’m saving the money, that’s a concept that you should get into your head soon.

Xander:  Saving it for what? Tomorrow? You’re like 90.

Constance:  I’m 84, and what are you implying?

Xander:  Um…that I’m short sighted and can only think as far as the next day and not of the many years you still have ahead of you?

Constance: Smooth.

Constance:  You know, now that we’re living together this is your chance to butter me up, pamper me, tend to my every whim and tell me how I’m the best grandmother ever and how I’ve made such a lasting, positive impact in your life over the years.

Xander:  But you taught me never to lie.

Constance:  I can pay you to lie, you know I’ve recently acquired a vast fortune…

Xander:  Keep the money coming and the compliments will spill from my mouth like a waterfall.

Constance:  I better get what I pay for kid.

Xander:  Your beautiful smile is payment enough.

Constance:  Oh that’s good, keep it up and I might just include you in my will.

Xander:  Who else would you include besides mom?

Constance:  Oh I don’t know, maybe I’ll just give it all to a charity of my choosing.

Xander:  What a horrible thing to do…

Constance:  No dear, I think that’s the exact opposite of ‘a horrible thing to do’.

Xander:  Do you even pay attention to any charities or a cause that you would like to support that you’re able to think of one off the top of your head?

Constance:  Sure, how about…those animal people…um

Xander:  P.E.T.A?

Constance:  Yes that’s the one, Peter.

Xander:  It’s pee-tah. What are we making right now?

Constance:  Chicken pasta.

Xander:  Why?

Constance:  Because animals are delicious.

Xander:  Yes, P.E.T.A is a great candidate for your money.

Xander:  After lunch I’m going to go out with Quincy and Rachel.

Constance:  And leaving me with the dishes, how diabolical.

Xander:  Have we ever used these goggles for swimming?

Constance:  Of course not, these are strictly for onion cutting.

Xander: That’s the doorbell.

Xander:  Let me get your plate miss.

Constance:  That’s right, keep it up and you just might inherit my vast wealth.

Xander:  I’m not entirely sure it’ll be worth it.

Xander:  Hey guys.

Quincy: Xander, you ready to go?

Rachel:  Are you wearing swimming goggles?
Xander: We were cutting onions…

Rachel:  Hold on, hold on, I’m taking a mental picture so I’ll never forget this.

Xander:  …yeah thanks for that, let me put these inside.

Xander: Where are we going?

Rachel:  The cemetery, Quincy wants to see if there are any spooky ghosts there.

Quincy:  The scientific term is poltergeist, and there has been evidence in the past that they do in fact exist.

Xander:  He’s right, there’s been ‘Ghostbusters 1’, ‘Ghostbusters 2’…


Rachel:  ‘Casper’, the aptly titled ‘Poltergeist’…

Quincy: Hilarious, you know you can’t completely rule something out without first investigating it and coming to a rational and scientific conclusion.

Xander:  Do you think it’s safe to go to the cemetery without our proton packs?

Quincy:  You two aren’t going to keep this up the whole way there are you?

Xander:  It depends, when do you think this will stop being funny Rachel?

Rachel:  Probably never.

Xander:  Oh good.

Quincy: Yeah…great.

Ray Parker Jr.


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4 Responses to “10. Settled In”

  1. loladahl10 May 25, 2010 at 1:26 am #

    I laughed at the “You’re like 90” “I’m 84” and told the joke to a friend that’s close to me, she laughed too.
    Score, dude.

    • Ain't It Strange May 26, 2010 at 4:33 am #

      Woo, I’ve basically reached the pinnacle of success. Early retirement here I come.

  2. Alex Mendez May 31, 2010 at 1:33 pm #

    I loved this man. I can’t wait to see more of these in the future.

    • Ain't It Strange June 1, 2010 at 9:00 am #

      That’s great to hear! I’m glad someone else is getting a kick out of these, I’m definitely enjoying making it.

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